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baby #2

Yesterday I hit the 16 week mark of this pregnancy.  I’m 4 months into this pregnancy.  It is hard to believe I’m already 4 months pregnant, but, at the same time, it sometimes feels like I should be further along.  I have been feeling SO much better the last few weeks.  The morning sickness is finally gone and I have most of my energy back.  I’m still quite moody (poor hubby) and I’ve been getting a lot of headaches, but all in all I feel pretty good.

I had my monthly appointment with my obstetrician this morning.  It went perfectly.  I got to hear that lovely sound of the baby’s heart beating away in there.  I discovered that this little baby is very much like her or his sister. Every time my OB found Maya’s heartbeat with the doppler she would move. She hated the doppler wand and the wand for the ultrasound machine too (hence the need for the sonographer to spend 45 minutes trying to find out if she was a boy or a girl!).  This baby is exactly the same. The OB found the heartbeat the first try with the doppler but the baby promptly moved and he had to look for it again (this happened 3 times).  It made me giggle and I said “Just like Maya!!”.  My blood pressure was great and I even managed to put on a whole 5 pounds.  That was music to my doctor’s ears since he wasn’t all that impressed with my .5 pound of weight gain last time. It is much easier to put on weight when you aren’t constantly struggling to get any food in your mouth and then struggling to get it stay down.

The best part of the appointment was finally scheduling the “big” ultrasound.  As of right now it is scheduled for February 22nd, unless of course we end up leaving for Australia before then and it needs to be pushed up a bit.  I can’t wait to see this little baby moving all around on the screen, I remember it being such an amazing experience with Maya.  And, of course, I can’t wait to find out if we are having a girl or a boy.  Any guesses?

Big Sister :) :)

That’s right, Christmas came a little early around these parts.

It all started about 5 weeks ago when my “friend” was due for a visit.  A few days before she was to make her appearance I started to feel different.  I can’t think of any other way to describe it than that.  I just felt different.  At first I thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me because it had happened before.  There had been other months I had myself totally convinced that I was pregnant only to take a pregnancy test and have a big fat negative staring back at me.  I tried to ignore it but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that things felt very different.  So, when my friend failed to make her appearance I mustered up the courage to buy and take a home pregnancy test.  At first I couldn’t make myself look at it.  I didn’t want to be disappointed, again.  When I finally gathered up the courage to look at it, this was what I saw.

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To say I was happy, excited, elated just doesn’t do it justice.  I couldn’t believe it, after a year of trying, it was finally happening.  A little life had finally taken up residence in my uterus.

A couple of weeks later I saw my doctor and got to see a tiny seed of a baby starting to take shape. It was so tiny even the ultrasound tech had a hard time finding it until she saw the tiny little heart flickering away. There is was, this super tiny little baby with a perfectly beating heart.

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And, last week I got to see the bean again. This time it looked so much bigger, so much more like the beginnings of a baby.  Heart still strongly beating.

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I am just over 9 weeks along.  Our little bean is due to arrive July 25th.  To say we are over the moon excited is an understatement.

Everything is great with the baby so far.  As for me, this pregnancy is different from my pregnancy with Maya in some ways and in some ways the same.  I have morning sickness (well, actually all day sickness) again, however, this time it is much worse.  It kicks in every morning around 10 am and gets progressively worse as the day goes on.  With Maya only threw up a couple of times my whole first trimester, this time I’m doing it almost daily (oh joy).  Most days I am so tired I just want to nap on the couch all day long.  Luckily, some days I have more energy so I’m able to somewhat tidy my house and entertain my daughter.  Needless to say I’m looking forward to the end of the first trimester.

I’m glad to finally be sharing our news with you guys.  Thank you so much for all your support this year and your good thoughts as we tried to get here.  I appreciate it more than words can express.

Plans are made to be broken, or so they say.  I don’t like when my plans are broken. I like when everything goes according to plan.  Which isn’t to say that I don’t like to be surprised by life, I do, it is just that sometimes it is nice when everything works out the way I had planned.

It has been nine months now.  Nine months of actively trying to conceive baby #2.  We are now into the realm of “if we had gotten pregnant (enter month) we’d be having a baby now.”  That sucks, there is no other way to say it, it just sucks.  Maya is going to be 3 in a little over a month.  She was supposed to have a new sibling right before or shortly after her third birthday, that was our plan.  Now, we are looking at her being at least 3 and a half, at least.

Each month that goes by it gets a little harder.  Each month the disappointment is a little harder to bare, it hurts a little deeper.  My body has disappointed me and I hate to say that because it has done some pretty awesome things for me, namely creating and carrying the perfect almost 3 year old that fills our house with her sweetness.  But, right now, it is not helping me out, it is not doing what it was designed to do, it is not getting pregnant.  So, as much as I hate to say it, I’m angry at my body, angry at myself.

Today I’m heading to the doctor.  We’ll talk all about what is going on.  We’ll talk about the fact I have been off the pill for 11 months now and actively trying to get pregnant for 9 months and yet still nothing.  We’ll talk about the things that may be behind this inability to get pregnant; my ovarian cyst, my endometriosis, my one non-functioning fallopian tube and hopefully we’ll talk about a solution, a way to make my body work.  I don’t expect this appointment to end with a magical solution, but I do hope it is the beginning of find some answers.

I expected baby #2 to come along just like baby #1 did, perfectly according to plan.  The best laid plans don’t always work out.