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I knew this day was coming, eventually. I had hoped I’d get a little more time, maybe even another year or so. More time to figure out how I would answer it. No luck, it came out of the blue, when I wasn’t expecting it at all, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
The other day we were talking to Maya about the people that make up her extended family. We started talking about the fact that her grandparents are our parents. Lorne was asking her if she knew who his mommy and daddy were, she answered Gramma and Poppa. I then asked her if she knew who my mommy was. She responded with Nana. Then it came, the question I’ve dreaded pretty much her whole life, the question I never wanted to have to answer. “Mommy, who is your daddy?”, bam, ton of bricks to the chest.
I stalled as I tried to come up with a 4 year old friendly answer, because the real answer is too much for me to swallow most days, let alone a 4 year old. I simply said that my dad wasn’t with us anymore. I said that he got sick a long time ago and he wasn’t here anymore. It took a lot of conscious effort on my part not to cry. She looked at me for a long moment, I wondered what was going through her little brain and waited, holding my breath for more questions, but they didn’t come. She just moved on to a different topic and that was that.
I know one day she’ll have more questions. I know each time those tough questions come they are going to stop me in my tracks, but I’ll answer them as best I can. And one day when the “he got sick and passed away” answer no longer cuts it and when she is ready, I’ll share the whole story with her. I hope that day is a long way off.
Dear Maya,
Happy Birthday baby girl! You are 4 years old today. 4 YEARS OLD! How did that happen? How did you go, in what feels like overnight, from this squirmy, tiny little baby who made me a Mom for the very first time, to this opinionated, intelligent, full of life 4 year old?
You have changed so much in the past year. You have really grown up a lot this year. When you turned 3 you still seemed like a little little girl, you still seemed so young. I can’t say that about you today. You are so much more grown up, so much older and wiser. You are “big girl” as you like to remind us and I can glimpse the passionate, intelligent woman you will one day become.
You did a lot in this year since you turned three.
We traveled to Australia for 3 months. You LOVED it there and did a lot of growing up while we were down under.
You came home from Australia and became a big sister. You truly love this new role of yours and adore your baby sister. I love watching the two of you interact and try to imagine the bond you will have when you grow up.
And, maybe the biggest thing of all, you started school. August 18th found you walking through the threshold of your first little classroom and you have loved every moment you’ve spent in school so far. Preschool has done so much to bring you out of your shell and you have really blossomed.
All of these changes and adventures this year have changed you and impacted you in different and unique ways. They have helped mold the girl you are today on your 4th birthday.
Maya, at 4 years old, you are a barrel of laughs constantly trying to entertain us. You love being the center of attention, especially when people are laughing at your antics or clapping for your little “performances”. You are beautiful and passionate. You are full of energy and life, you are on the go from the moment you get up until the moment you go to bed at night. You are so in tune with music and movement and spend much of your day singing and dancing. You are intelligent and curious. You are opinionated and like to push my buttons (sometimes it makes me scared of what the teenage years will be like). You are 100% girl and love to live in a fairy tale world filled with princesses, ponies and everything pink. You are emotional and sweet (when you want to be 
). You are you and we love every bit of you, even when you are driving us crazy.
There is so much you love in life. You love reading and always try to get an extra book read to you at bedtime even though we already read 3 every night. You love coloring and creating art projects. Some days you’ll sit for hours and just color and color. You’ve started writing letters too and can write your own name. You are so imaginative and spend many hours each day creating little worlds of adventure for your princess dolls, your my little ponies and your strawberry shortcake dolls. You love to include Mommy and Daddy in your play and even sometimes the cats, especially when it comes to dress up play. You love talking to, playing with, reading to and laughing with your baby sister. You love music and dancing.
I love you sweet Maya. I love that I get to have you in my life and I get the privilege of being your Mom. Happy Birthday, I hope it was everything you dreamed it would be. I love you to pieces baby girl.
From the day after Halloween last year (maybe even before that) Maya has been adamant that she wanted to be “swimming” Ariel for Halloween this year. And by “swimming” she of course meant Ariel in her mermaid form. She has been so anxious for this day to finally arrive so she could put on her costume and go trick or treating. I think today felt like a pretty long day to her as she waited and waited (as patiently as she could) for evening to roll around.
This year we headed over to our friends Nick and Erin’s house to go trick or treating with them. Maya enjoyed having a few little friends to enjoy the whole experience with.
She ended up with a pretty good little pumpkin full of candy. I know she is already dreaming about next Halloween 
Next year we’ll have two little munchkins running around the neighborhood. This year Anna wasn’t all that impressed with getting dressed up. Although, she did enjoy the snuggly little ride around the neighborhood in the ERGO!
I hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween and your kiddos enjoyed the trick or treating experience as much as Maya did.
Parenting a second child is quite a bit different than parenting a first child. I’m find things so different as a second time mom. Not just because each child is different and requires a different parenting approach, but because I’m coming at this with almost 4 years of parenting experience under my belt and my perspective is very different this time around. Many things about parenting a new baby are so much easier this time around.
One of the very first things I noticed about parenting my second child versus my first child was that I was so much calmer, so much more relaxed right out of the gate. I knew from experience not to let early breastfeeding challenges get the better of me. I knew what to expect when it came to sleep deprivation. I didn’t fuss over the little things. From the moment Anna was placed in my arms I was comfortable and knew everything was going to be just fine. Breastfeeding would work out, first baths would be a breeze, and sleep would come eventually. My perspective was so different thanks to the experience and knowledge I gained the first time around.
First babies are the guinea pigs, the learning babies, the ones we are so afraid to mess up with. Second babies are so much easier because we’ve learned that we don’t have to be perfect we just have to the right parent for our child and do things the way that works best for our child. Second babies get the benefit of all that trial and error, all those mistakes and corrections, all those weeks and months of needless worrying before we realize it isn’t worth sweating the small stuff.
A few weeks ago I was sitting here on the couch cutting Anna’s finger nails and I turned to Lorne and said “Remember how nervous I was with Maya about cutting her fingers nails” and I laughed. I remember biting her finger nails for the first few months because didn’t want to accidentally cut her finger with the nail clippers. This time around I feel like a nail cutting pro and have used the clippers from the very beginning with out incident. I wasn’t nervous and I knew immediately it wasn’t worth worrying about.
It is amazing the silly, small things that cause us such great strife with our first children. Things like nail cutting, first baths, diaper changes, dressing a tiny, wiggly baby. I remember, vaguely, the nerves those first few months with Maya. I remember reading a lot parenting websites and books trying to make sure I was doing everything right. Eventually I grew into my parenting shoes and knew that as long as I was making decisions and doing things that were best for Maya I couldn’t really go wrong. I learned to ignore other people’s advice and opinions because it wasn’t about what other people thought or did, it was about what worked for my child and for me. I learned to be the best mom I could be. Anna now gets to benefit from that. This time around I feel like an old pro and I don’t sweat the small stuff, it isn’t worth it. There are too many wonderful things to take in and enjoy to worry about cutting a tiny little fingernail.
So far she seems to like the mom she ended up with
In a couple of weeks Maya will be going on her very first field trip. Her little preschool class is taking a trip to the pumpkin patch. They get to ride on a bus and everything!
At her school the teacher to child ratio is great. There are 9 kids in her class and 3 teachers. Two of the classes are pairing up for the trip so there will be 18 kids and 6 teachers plus one of the assistant principals is tagging along and the OT that works with one of the kids in Maya’s class. So, given that so many adults will be there they didn’t ask for parent volunteers to be extra eyes. Parents are, however, invited to tag along if they want.
I want to, I would love to be part of this little experience. But. Ya, there’s a but. But, I’m worried that my being there will mean that Maya’s experience isn’t as a great as it could be. You see, Maya is very shy. When we had our parent/teacher conference a few weeks ago it was one of the topics we discussed. I wasn’t surprised that her teacher had noticed it, since we witness it every time we are out with friends, or Maya encounters strangers and even acquaintances while we are out and about. She is super shy around other people and it takes time for her to warm up and talk to people. Her teacher has mentioned that she is starting to see her come out of her shell, she is starting to communicate with her friends and the teachers more and more. So, I’m worried that my being there with her on the field trip will limit her, that she will use me as a shield and won’t be as open, as talkative, as adventurous.
As much as I want to go, to be part of this little adventure with her, I’m leaning towards sitting this one out. I haven’t made a firm decision yet, but I want her to have the best first field trip experience possible and if that means I have to sit this one out than that is what I will do.
Any of you other mommas of shy kiddos had a similar experience? Any advice for me?