Motherhood

Who needs sleep?
Well you’re never gonna get it.
Who needs sleep?
Tell me what’s that for?
Who needs sleep?
Be happy with what you’re getting.
There’s a guy who’s been awake
Since the Second World War

-Who Needs Sleep, Barenaked Ladies

Whenever my kids (and by kids I mean Anna) are keeping me up at night and I’m feeling a little extra tired this chorus from the Barenaked Ladies song, Who Needs Sleep?, plays on repeat in my head. Like right now for example. It is on constant repeat because Who Needs Sleep? This girl needs sleep.

Anna is suffering from a double whammy of teething, she is working at least 2, possibly 3, molars and has a cold that just won’t go away. This double whammy is keeping her up at night. Several times every night for the past week or so, some nights every couple of hours, I hear her stir in her bed and beginning whimpering and eventually crying. Between the stuffy nose making it hard for her to breath and the pain caused by her molars trying to break through the skin she just isn’t sleeping well and that makes her mad, which makes her cry. Most of the time she isn’t even completely awake, she’s just whimpering and crying in her sleeping (poor thing) and I don’t have to physically get up and go rock her. Other times I have to go pick her up and rock her for a bit to calm her down and get her back to sleep.

This lack of sleep is getting to me. I feel as though I’m operating on fumes at this point. What I wouldn’t give to sleep in until *gasp* 7am and feel rested for a change. Even going to bed early doesn’t help because being woken up every few hours by the sound of Anna’s whimpers and cries, even if I don’t have to actually get out of bed each time, doesn’t make for a restful sleep. I’ve tried tylenol and motrin at night to help with the teething pain, I’ve tried the humidifier and vaporizer in her room to help with the congestion but nothing is working right now. She is uncomfortable and it is causing her to have a restless sleep, which makes her sad and pissed off, so she cries out. Who can blame her? I feel so bad for her and I wish there was more I could do for her (for her sake and mine).

Who needs sleep? I do, and so does my sweet little Anna. For now, neither of us are getting much of it so the chorus keeps playing over and over in my head. This too shall pass and those stubborn teeth will pop through and this endless cold will go away and we’ll both get back to sleeping at night. In the meantime, pass the caffeine.

As I mentioned last week I was very much looking forward to this Mother’s Day as I was going to be receiving my very first handmade creation from Maya. Her teacher helped the kiddos in her preschool class make little gifts for their moms. Maya brought it home from school last Thursday all wrapped and tied up with a bow. She was so excited and could hardly keep it a secret. She had to whisper what it was to Lorne several times so she wouldn’t let it slip to me. Seriously, you could see she was just about to burst if she had to keep it a secret much longer.

On Mother’s Day morning I was laying in bed when I heard “Yay, it’s Mother’s Day….MOM” coming from Maya’s room. It was adorable. She was so excited because it meant she would finally get to give me her present.

I had been waiting for this moment and unwrapped her gift to see what she created for me. This is what I got.

I love it! It is a little flower in a flower pot and the stems of the flower are made up of Maya’s hand print. I know I said it already, but seriously, I love it. This will be kept for a very long time and when I’m old and gray and my baby isn’t to little anymore I’ll pull it out and remember how excited that 4 year old Maya was to give me this gift and I’ll marvel that her hand was ever that little.

This year I get to do something on Mother’s Day that I’ve waited 4 years to do. I seriously can’t wait. I get to open my very first Maya created Mother’s Day gift! This past week at school Maya and her classmates got to make gifts for their moms. The gifts were sent home yesterday wrapped in tissue paper and tied up with a bow. Maya could hardly contain her excitement about having a gift to give me that she had made all by herself. She kept wanting to tell me what was in the wrapping, but I convinced her to just whisper it to her Daddy so that it would still be a surprise for me.

I remember making little crafts, cards and pictures for my own Mom for Mother’s Day at school. I remember being so excited to give her my little creations. It is truly awesome to now be the recipient of those lovingly made little creations.

I hope all you Moms out there have a very wonderful weekend celebrating being a Mom. Happy Mother’s Day. I’ll be spending my day with these two so I already know it will be wonderful.

The other day I was looking at Maya and marveling at how grown up she looks these days. She is rapidly approaching 4 1/2 and is looking every bit a little girl these days. In years gone by when I looked at my growing up too fast big girl I could still glimpse the baby she once was. These days she is all big girl. Her cheeks are no longer round with baby chub, her legs go on forever and ever, her movements so precise, her vocabulary unbelievable.

I was looking back at old pictures today trying to find a shot of Maya in a shirt that Anna is now wearing. I ended up spending a good hour looking through pictures of her as a baby and a toddler.

It blows my mind to see the transformation that has taken place in just 4 short years.

It’s funny how every once in a while I go through this moment of “where does the time go?” “how is my first baby already a big girl.” It’s like the moment you have kids time goes into fast forward.

With Maya’s 3rd birthday looming just around the corner and the fact that we’re having such a hard time getting pregnant with baby #2, I’ve been thinking a lot about the things I’ve loved about being a mom so far.  I’ve been reminiscing about all the wonderful memories I have of my sweet Maya.  I’ve been thinking about what my favorite parts of each stage have been.  I’ve been trying to cement the moments into my memory, into my heart.

It comes and goes so quickly.  These moments that make up our life right now, that define us as parents.  They all come and go so quickly that I’m afraid if I blink I might just miss them entirely.  I’m only 3 years into this gig and already some of the moments are fuzzy.  Some are almost gone entirely from my memory.  What will it be like 10 or 15 or 20 years from now?  What will I remember?

I want to remember it all. I want to remember, vividly, the late night moments spent cradling my sweet new baby in my arms while she nursed.  I want to be able to close my eyes and picture her with that beautiful milk drunk look on her face as she slept peacefully in my arms after eating.  I want to breath in and be able to smell the sweet mix of new baby, milk and softness.  I want to be able close my eyes and hear the sweet sound of baby laughter, the babbles and even the cries and whimpers.  I want to remember what it was like to sit and watch her explore and learn and fall in love with the world around her.  I want to remember the sparkle in her eye as she dreams of being a princess.  I want to remember the sweet sounds of her singing songs as she goes about her day.  I want to remember the feeling of her little arms wrapped tight around my neck as she hugs me and tells me she loves me best.  I want to remember it all.  I know as time slips away so will some of these moments, some of these feelings, but I will always, always remember the warmth in my heart that comes from knowing I’m her mom, and being her mom is the best thing I’ve ever done.

Motherhood is an ever changing thing.  We are always learning new things, always growing.  The moments that fill our hearts and our minds are ever changing.  Our children grow up so fast, they change so much before our very eyes.  Yet one thing is always constant, always the same.  It is that feeling of our heart swelling in our chest just at the sound of their voice, just at the sound of someone saying their name.  Even though I won’t remember everything.  Even though moments I want to hold onto forever will fade, it’s okay, because I will remember a lot and what I remember will be wonderful.

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