In the wee hours of the morning when I hear her cries I bolt out of bed in a half awake, half still very much asleep stupor and stumble down the hall into her room. I am so, so tired and wish I was still sleeping soundly in my warm,comfortable bed instead of dealing with a crying toddler who refuses to sleep through the night. I pick her up and she presses her head firmly into that perfect spot on my shoulder made just for a baby’s heads and sighs as if there is no where else she would rather be. She asks to nurse but since we are working on weaning from night time feedings and it is before the arbitrary time of 3am that I came up with I quietly whisper no and shush her as she cries a little. I rock her gently and she quickly gives in to the fact that she isn’t going to get to nurse, and settles into my shoulder. Her hand wraps around my arm and her breath becomes steady as she returns to the land of sleep.
In these quiet moments I can’t help but think about the fact that she is my last baby. That one day she’ll figure out this whole sleeping through the night thing and moments like these will just be a memory. One night I’ll stumble into her room in the middle of the night to answer her cries and requests for the boob and it will be the last night it happens. I won’t know at the time but it will be the end of an era. Sure there will be times she calls out for me in the middle night but not like this, not to be rocked or nursed. I know I’ll miss these moments when they are gone. I won’t miss feeling completely exhausted but I will miss the feeling of a baby’s body getting heavy against my chest as she gives into sleep. I will miss the sweet smell of shampoo and sweat as I lay my cheek against the top of her head and breathe in her scent. I will miss the hypnotic sound of rhythmic breathing and soft snores. I will miss the feeling of being completely needed and trusted.
In the middle of the night when others are sleeping, when I should be sleeping but instead am on mom duty, rocking my sweet toddler back to sleep, I think of these things and feel lucky to still be needed at 3am. I feel nostalgic for all the moments just like this one that I have briefly spent with all of my girls. These moments can feel endless when you are living them, but when you look back they are so fleeting. Truth be told, I hope there are at least a few more of these quiet moments with my last baby girl in the wee hours of the morning because I’m not quite ready to be done with this phase yet.
The fact that I managed to post twice last month is truly a miracle. The fact that those posts were about illness and sleep deprivation speaks volumes to how the month of January treated us. Our household, or at least 3 of us anyway, spent the entire month sick. I am not sad to see January come to an end.
Our month started with me coming down with a nasty case of pneumonia that had me down for the count for 10 days and then spending another week or so attempting to get myself back to completely healthy. It was not the way I wanted to start 2015. Right on the heels of my recovery from that not so fun illness Anna and Nora got sick with the worst virus either of them have ever had. Anna spent 8 straight days with a fever, 8 days!! Nora started out with croup and then got a stomach bug on top of it.
I mean, seriously, is there is anything sadder than a baby who is pukey. It is heartbreaking, especially because they don’t understand what is going on. There were a lot of tears both from her and from me during those 4 or 5 days. My usual spunky, into everything, busy baby spent much of a 4 day period either laying on the floor or cuddled against someone’s chest.
They were both so sick I didn’t know what to do for them. We made a couple of trips to the pediatrician (hopefully we avoided picking up any additional bugs while we were there!). An 8 day fever and a baby who is visibly losing weight because she can’t keep anything down are both scary. The verdict after both appointments was that they both had a super nasty virus, likely the same virus with different symptoms. I was so thankful for our awesome pediatrician for talking me off the ledge. Watching your baby throw up everything so many times and seeing the number on the scale drop by 2 lbs in just 3 days is no picnic. Coupled with a kiddo who kept running a high fever every day and couldn’t stop coughing long enough to get the sleep she desperately needed made for one frazzled momma.
It is so hard when 2 kiddos are sick at the same time. They both just want snuggles and love but your arms and lap are only so big. It is so hard to make sure they both get the love they need. Not to mention that Nora passed on the tummy bug to me, thank goodness I just got the 24 hr variety. The word exhausted doesn’t quite capture how I feel now that it is over (knock on wood). I don’t know if I will ever fully recover the sleep I lost last week. Luckily they both seem to be on the mend now, though defiantly aren’t all the way there yet.
I feel like this month from hell has aged me many years. Good riddance January! Can’t say I’m sad to be done with you.
We are 13 days into 2015 and I finally feel like the new year is starting. I’ve spent the last 2 weeks under the heavy fog of illness. I literally can’t remember large chunks of the past 2 weeks. 2015 came in with a bang, a bang of illness, for me. After spending a great night ringing in the New Year with friends I woke up New Years Day to body aches, chills and a low grade fever. Things steadily got worse from there. I don’t think I have ever been so sick in my entire life. I spent much of the next 10 days like this.
Luckily Lorne was around to pick up the slack and help care for the littles who aren’t big fans of mommy being sick.
After a full week of battling a fever, body aches, constant headaches and the onset of popping sounds coming from my lungs I finally headed to the doctor to get checked out. Of course, I had already self diagnosed with the help of Dr. Google and I knew I either had the flu, bronchitis or worse case, pneumonia, but I figured I should probably let a really doctor check me out. Plus, I was so over being sick and was really hoping whatever I had could be cured with medication of some kind. It didn’t take long for the doctor to figure out what was going on with me. I had pneumonia, the walking pneumonia variety, which gave me the strength to get around and kept me out of the hospital, but pneumonia nonetheless. With a prescription in hand for some heavy duty antibiotics and strict instructions to take it extremely easy until I started to feel better, I was on my way.
A few days later I finally began to get a glimpse of my old self again. The meds were doing the trick and slowly but surely I returned to the land of the living. I’ve completed my round of antibiotics and other than a lingering cough and still feeling a little more tired than normal I feel SO much better. That illness knocked my socks off and I am more than glad to have it behind me.
So, now that we are 2 weeks into 2015 and I am finally feeling better again lets get this party started. Here’s to a wonderful 2015. I’m looking forward to some incredible adventures with my little family.
This past weekend Nora came down with the crud that is going around. As I nursed her one of the many, many times this weekend and watched snot bubbles pop all over my boob I knew I wasn’t going to be able to avoid this one. I’ve been lucky lately. The illnesses that have made their rounds in our house I’ve been able to avoid for the most part. Something told me that I wasn’t going to be so lucky this time. And, I was right. Monday morning I woke up with a stuffy nose and a knowledge that the crud had invaded my body and was making itself at home. Yesterday was a downhill spiral with each hour finding me feeling crappier and crappier.
Last night as I battled an extremely stuffy nose and a gross mucusy cough in an attempt to get a little sleep between Nora’s wake ups I declared that today I would be taking a sick day. Unfortunately, I can’t really take a sick day since my employers don’t allow it. They still insist on being feed, clothed, taken to school and entertained throughout the day. But, in whatever way I can I will take the stay-at-home mom modified equivalent of a sick day. We will laze around on the couch watching movies and eating snacks instead of lunch. I will ignore the bathroom that is in desperate need of cleaning and the pile of laundry that should be done. My family will likely eat cereal for dinner tonight and I will spend the day willing this crud to leave my body and let life return to its regularly scheduled programming.
Cough, sniffle, cough. If you need me I’ll be vegging on the couch with my littles fighting the urge to nap and hoping these germs leave our house without infecting anyone else cough, sniffle, cough.
Who needs sleep?
Well you’re never gonna get it.
Who needs sleep?
Tell me what’s that for?
Who needs sleep?
Be happy with what you’re getting.
There’s a guy who’s been awake
Since the Second World War
-Who Needs Sleep, Barenaked Ladies
Whenever my kids (and by kids I mean Anna) are keeping me up at night and I’m feeling a little extra tired this chorus from the Barenaked Ladies song, Who Needs Sleep?, plays on repeat in my head. Like right now for example. It is on constant repeat because Who Needs Sleep? This girl needs sleep.
Anna is suffering from a double whammy of teething, she is working at least 2, possibly 3, molars and has a cold that just won’t go away. This double whammy is keeping her up at night. Several times every night for the past week or so, some nights every couple of hours, I hear her stir in her bed and beginning whimpering and eventually crying. Between the stuffy nose making it hard for her to breath and the pain caused by her molars trying to break through the skin she just isn’t sleeping well and that makes her mad, which makes her cry. Most of the time she isn’t even completely awake, she’s just whimpering and crying in her sleeping (poor thing) and I don’t have to physically get up and go rock her. Other times I have to go pick her up and rock her for a bit to calm her down and get her back to sleep.
This lack of sleep is getting to me. I feel as though I’m operating on fumes at this point. What I wouldn’t give to sleep in until *gasp* 7am and feel rested for a change. Even going to bed early doesn’t help because being woken up every few hours by the sound of Anna’s whimpers and cries, even if I don’t have to actually get out of bed each time, doesn’t make for a restful sleep. I’ve tried tylenol and motrin at night to help with the teething pain, I’ve tried the humidifier and vaporizer in her room to help with the congestion but nothing is working right now. She is uncomfortable and it is causing her to have a restless sleep, which makes her sad and pissed off, so she cries out. Who can blame her? I feel so bad for her and I wish there was more I could do for her (for her sake and mine).
Who needs sleep? I do, and so does my sweet little Anna. For now, neither of us are getting much of it so the chorus keeps playing over and over in my head. This too shall pass and those stubborn teeth will pop through and this endless cold will go away and we’ll both get back to sleeping at night. In the meantime, pass the caffeine.