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For many families these days it is necessary to look into the options that are available for both maternity leave and paternity leave. For a growing number of families the mother is the primary “bread winner”, bringing in a larger portion of the family’s income than dad. For other women taking an extended leave from their careers is either not an option because it would hurt their career or just not desirable. These and many other reasons are behind an increase in the percentage of fathers looking into and taking paternity leave.
Here in the United States the percentage of fathers who utilize their available paternity leave is 6.5%. Although this number is still fairly low, it is up 3% over the last 8 years and is continuing to grow. More and more companies are offering more flexible options to dads and as the demand continues to grow so will the options.
So what should a dad considering paternity leave consider? First and foremost is determining financially and personally if paternity leave is the right choice for your family. Once that decision is made it is important to research your options and prepare for your leave.
- One of the first major decisions for the family is to determine how much time mom will take off after the birth and how much time dad will take off. It is also important to consider if you want any of your time to over lap.
- Once you determine how much time you want to take off you will need to check your company policy on paternity leave (called family leave here in the US for either paternity or maternity leave). For example, here in the US you will be bound by the Family Medical Leave Act, which will allow you 12 weeks. Some companies will allow you more time, so do your homework.
- It is important to talk with your human resources department as well to determine what your options are, what paperwork will need to be completed by yourself and your manager, and any other things that need to be completed before, during and after the leave.
- If you know about other men in your company that have utilized paternity leave it is a good idea to talk with them. Not only will you get some great insight into how the company views paternity leave and what you need to do before hand, but you can also talk to them about their time off.
- Once you know for sure that you will utilize the paternity leave option available at your company you should arrange to talk to your manager to discuss when you will be off, how long you will be off and what both of you need to do to comply with human resources requirements.
Deciding to take paternity leave is still a big decision for most men. It has always been a given that mom will take some time off, but with the growing number of options, the changes within the family financial structure, and the trend toward more attentive fathers the norms are changing. I’m sure we will continue to see more and more fathers opting to take paternity leave.
Did you take paternity leave when your children were born? What pointers do you have for other dads considering this option?
During pregnancy it can often seem like all the energy and attention is on your wife, after all she is the one carrying the baby and people notice that. However, dads play a very important role during pregnancy; they are there to support their wives and on a path to becoming a dad.
Pregnancy can be difficult, exhausting, and joyous all at the same time. For moms-to-be having the dad-to-be there going through the good spots and the rough spots with her can make all the difference. Mom maybe carrying the baby but you are going through this together. So what can you do to help share in the pregnancy and make sure your wife knows just how much you care.
Well, here are a few tips on how dads can share in the pregnancy.
- Probably one of the most important things and easiest things you can do is just pay attention. Talk about your wife’s growing belly and what that means to you, be an active participant in doctor’s visits, acknowledge your wife’s aches and pains. Anything you can think of to show your wife that you are paying attention, you see the changes, feel the changes, and want to be a part of it all.
- Go to the prenatal visits with your wife. If you work schedule allows you to, be sure to go along on all the visits. You will learn a lot, and you may have questions about the pregnancy that your wife doesn’t think to ask. (brownie point tip: don’t wait to be asked to go along, volunteer).
- Your wife is going to need to make some changes to her diet and activity level during pregnancy, especially if a healthy diet and exercise program weren’t part of the picture before. Try to make some changes with her, if she can’t eat a hamburger and fries, don’t eat them in front of her, and better yet, don’t eat them at all. This can be a great way for both of you to get healthier.
- Take the time to tell her that she is beautiful. A pregnant women who feels like she is too fat, not pretty, and no one notices anything except her growing belly will greatly appreciate being told she is beautiful.
- Take an active role in planning and shopping for the child’s nursery. Shopping might not be your favorite thing to do but it will give the two of you a chance to do something for the baby together.
- Be an active participant in the labor planning, and the labor itself. If you wife wants to go to birthing classes such as Lamaze, go with her. Talk about the fears you might have about the delivery with your wife (she has some too!). Figure out what your role in the delivery room will be and prepare for it.
There are many things you can do to share in the pregnancy with your wife, but the most important thing you can do is just be there, take an active role, and enjoy this time. Your wife is going through some major changes physically and emotionally, but so are you. Talk to her about what you are feeling, what you see changing in her, and what having a baby means to you. There are some great books out there for dads-to-be, pick one up, you will likely learn a whole lot about pregnancy and fatherhood that you had no idea about it.
If you are already a father, what things did you do when your wife was pregnant? How did you share in the pregnancy?
During those first few weeks home from the hospital with the new baby dads often feel a little left out, especially when mom is breastfeeding. Dads seem to wonder what their role in this whole baby raising thing really is. For new fathers who don’t have any experience with infants it can be hard to know where they can be of assistance.
Even if mom is breastfeeding there are many things that dad can do to help out. Here are a few of the things fathers can do to assist their wives as you both attempt to raise this new little one.
- You can bring the baby to your wife for feedings, allowing her to rest in bed. This can be especially helpful for those late night feedings.
- Help change diapers. Your assistance in this department will be greatly appreciated.
- Hold the baby and comfort him/her when they are fussy. Allowing mom a little extra rest.
- Take a turn batheing the baby. You will likely become more comfortable handling the baby during this process and it can be a great bonding time.
- Encourage and support your wife as she learns how to breastfeed. This will likely be one of your most important roles you play as she struggles to figure it all out.
- Have your wife pump so that you can take over a few of the feedings using bottles of breast milk.
- If mom needs quiet time for a nap, take the baby out for a little walk.
As you can see there are many things fathers can do to help out, even if mom is breastfeeding. Most importantly is sharing in the tasks, encouraging your wife as she struggles to learn how to breastfeed, and spending time bonding with your new little baby.
If you have words of advice or encouragement for those dads out there that might be feeling a little left out, please share them.