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Child-led weaning is just what it sounds like it is, letting your child lead the weaning process. Instead of weaning them on your terms and schedule you allow the child to dictate when they are done with breastfeeding.
Child-led weaning is not the norm here in the United States (or much of the western world for that matter), however, it is very common in strong breastfeeding cultures. Child-led weaning is often practiced by extended breastfeeding mothers, those mothers breastfeeding beyond the first year. On average, a child who is allowed to self wean will do so sometime around 2-4 years of age.
Many mothers who practice this form of weaning say it is a very natural, comfortable, easy approach to weaning. However, you have to be willing to breastfeed your child until they are ready to call it quits. Most experts say the breastfeeding relationship is best when both mother and child are willingly involved. So if you are ready to call it quits then child-led weaning is probably not for you.
A lot of breastfeeding mothers who breastfeed beyond the first year, including myself, practice a combination form of weaning that is somewhat child-led, somewhat parent-led. My daughter self-weaned from a few of her nursing sessions while I led the rest of the weaning. She is 18 months and still currently nurses before bed. I will likely led her in weaning from this session in the next couple of months if she doesn’t do it herself before then.
For information and for personal stories on child-led weaning visit the following websites:
It has been just over a week since I started weaning Maya from her before nap nursing session. The first few days were rough but I would say she is pretty much weaned now. The last few days she hasn’t asked to nurse before her nap and is fine when I lay her down in her crib. It seems to take her about 10-15 minutes to wind down and fall asleep. Most of that time she is just talking to her stuffed animals, although she does sometimes still cry for a few minutes.
I found the hardest days were day 4 and 5. She was really upset when I went to put her down for a nap and asked to nurse while crying heavily. She refused to be cuddled and didn’t want me to read her a story. I almost gave in. It was so hard to see her get so upset but I knew that it was time to get rid of this nursing session so I stood my ground. So when day 6 rolled around and she didn’t even ask I was amazed and so happy.
Our nap routine now looks like this:
- Find her blankie and give the kitties a kiss and a hug.
- Change her diaper and get her crib ready.
- Give her a big hug and kiss.
- Lay her down in her crib.
She usually rolls over and peaks through her crib to watch me leave. I’ll wave bye-bye to her and say “have a good nap sweetie.” We decided to skip the book for now. She just wasn’t interested in listening to a story and it only seemed to upset her more. She is happy to just lay down in her crib and talk to her stuffed animals until she falls asleep.
The next step in the weaning process will be the first thing in the morning nursing session. I’ll wait a few weeks before tackling it though. I’m pretty sure it’ll be a lot easier since I can distract her with breakfast, a nice big bowl of Raisin Bran, her favorite!
Day four of the weaning process and I am still sane, well for the most part. I will call day four a success (and day three too). She is peacefully sleeping after only about 15 minutes of whining, talking and calling “mama”. Not bad.
I have decided to scrap the book reading idea for now. Today I asked her if she wanted to read a story before nap and she said “no” and signed to nurse. I said no and asked again if she wanted to hear a story. She again said “no” and then pointed to her crib and said “bed”. So, I put her in her bed after giving her a kiss and a hug.
After I left the room she did cry for a couple of minutes but then began talking to her stuffed animals and giving them kisses (I could hear her saying “maw”). After a few minutes of that she called out “mama” a few times. Which, for Maya, is very unusually since she never (or at least rarely) calls me “mama” or anything for that matter. I didn’t go into her because I knew that wouldn’t help so I waited to see what she would do next. She whined for a few minutes and then silence and sleep.
After four days I think she is doing pretty well. I didn’t expect her to forget about nursing before naptime overnight. She is pretty attached to nursing so I know it is going to take her a little bit of time to get used to the idea. Hopefully within the next few days she’ll begin to get into the new routine. I’m grateful we aren’t having any big battles, just a few tears. I’ll definitely wait a few more weeks before I consider dropping another nursing session (we’re down to two now).
Well, we are on day three of weaning Maya from her before nap nursing session. Day one and two went pretty well, I considered them very successful. I can’t decide whether to call today a success or not. It was a success in that she is now sleeping, however, getting her to that point didn’t go as smoothly.
As with the last two days I did our pre-nap routine:
- Got her ready for her nap as usual; grabbed her blankie, gave the kitties a kiss, changed her diaper, set up her crib and closed the blinds in her room.
- Sat down in the chair in her room with her in my lap and read her a story.
- Gave her a big hug and a kiss and laid her down in her crib.
She was not interested in the story at all and asked to nurse a lot. I put the book down since she didn’t want to listen to the story and she really started asking to nurse and even started crying. I gently explained that “mommy’s milk” was all gone right now and she could do that later, before bed. I then gave her a big hug and kiss and laid her in her crib. She was really upset. I stayed there with her for a couple of seconds and tried to comfort her and gave her another hug. Knowing Maya I knew that staying in the room wasn’t going to help her so I said “I love you” and “Have a nice nap” and left the room. She proceeded to cry for about 5-10 minutes then fell asleep.
So, success or no? I think I’ll have to wait until tomorrow and see how that goes. I didn’t expect this whole thing to run smoothly, she is pretty attached to nursing still. I expect there to be a few bumps in the road but all in all I think it is going well so far.
As i mentioned in my post yesterday, day one was a huge success. She went down well, only cried for a few minutes and slept for about 2 hours. Other than asking a couple of times while we were reading her book she didn’t seem to really miss nursing at all. She was incredibly happy to nurse before bed yesterday though!
Day two was a success as well. She is now napping soundly. It did take her longer to fall asleep, about 30 minutes. Although, she only cried for a couple of seconds today, most of the time she was just talking to her stuffed animals. I had expected it to be a little rougher today as she went down for her nap late due to a lunch date we had with friends, but so far so good.
Today I did the same as yesterday. I:
- Got her ready for her nap as usually; grabbed her blankie, kissed the kitties, changed her diaper, got her crib organized, and closed her blinds.
- I started to read her a story. However, today she wasn’t all that interested in the story, I read a couple of pages and then she just closed the book and pointed at her bed and said “bed”.
- I gave her a big hug and kiss and laid her down in her crib and left the room.
The big success for me was that she didn’t ask to nurse and when she didn’t want to listen to the story she asked to go into her bed. This might be way easier than I had thought it was going to be. I had been prepared for a battle and had been dreading starting this process, but Maya has surprised me again and made me so proud of her.
I’ll keep you posted on our progress.