With Maya’s 3rd birthday looming just around the corner and the fact that we’re having such a hard time getting pregnant with baby #2, I’ve been thinking a lot about the things I’ve loved about being a mom so far. I’ve been reminiscing about all the wonderful memories I have of my sweet Maya. I’ve been thinking about what my favorite parts of each stage have been. I’ve been trying to cement the moments into my memory, into my heart.
It comes and goes so quickly. These moments that make up our life right now, that define us as parents. They all come and go so quickly that I’m afraid if I blink I might just miss them entirely. I’m only 3 years into this gig and already some of the moments are fuzzy. Some are almost gone entirely from my memory. What will it be like 10 or 15 or 20 years from now? What will I remember?
I want to remember it all. I want to remember, vividly, the late night moments spent cradling my sweet new baby in my arms while she nursed. I want to be able to close my eyes and picture her with that beautiful milk drunk look on her face as she slept peacefully in my arms after eating. I want to breath in and be able to smell the sweet mix of new baby, milk and softness. I want to be able close my eyes and hear the sweet sound of baby laughter, the babbles and even the cries and whimpers. I want to remember what it was like to sit and watch her explore and learn and fall in love with the world around her. I want to remember the sparkle in her eye as she dreams of being a princess. I want to remember the sweet sounds of her singing songs as she goes about her day. I want to remember the feeling of her little arms wrapped tight around my neck as she hugs me and tells me she loves me best. I want to remember it all. I know as time slips away so will some of these moments, some of these feelings, but I will always, always remember the warmth in my heart that comes from knowing I’m her mom, and being her mom is the best thing I’ve ever done.
Motherhood is an ever changing thing. We are always learning new things, always growing. The moments that fill our hearts and our minds are ever changing. Our children grow up so fast, they change so much before our very eyes. Yet one thing is always constant, always the same. It is that feeling of our heart swelling in our chest just at the sound of their voice, just at the sound of someone saying their name. Even though I won’t remember everything. Even though moments I want to hold onto forever will fade, it’s okay, because I will remember a lot and what I remember will be wonderful.