The Best Laid Plans

Plans are made to be broken, or so they say.  I don’t like when my plans are broken. I like when everything goes according to plan.  Which isn’t to say that I don’t like to be surprised by life, I do, it is just that sometimes it is nice when everything works out the way I had planned.

It has been nine months now.  Nine months of actively trying to conceive baby #2.  We are now into the realm of “if we had gotten pregnant (enter month) we’d be having a baby now.”  That sucks, there is no other way to say it, it just sucks.  Maya is going to be 3 in a little over a month.  She was supposed to have a new sibling right before or shortly after her third birthday, that was our plan.  Now, we are looking at her being at least 3 and a half, at least.

Each month that goes by it gets a little harder.  Each month the disappointment is a little harder to bare, it hurts a little deeper.  My body has disappointed me and I hate to say that because it has done some pretty awesome things for me, namely creating and carrying the perfect almost 3 year old that fills our house with her sweetness.  But, right now, it is not helping me out, it is not doing what it was designed to do, it is not getting pregnant.  So, as much as I hate to say it, I’m angry at my body, angry at myself.

Today I’m heading to the doctor.  We’ll talk all about what is going on.  We’ll talk about the fact I have been off the pill for 11 months now and actively trying to get pregnant for 9 months and yet still nothing.  We’ll talk about the things that may be behind this inability to get pregnant; my ovarian cyst, my endometriosis, my one non-functioning fallopian tube and hopefully we’ll talk about a solution, a way to make my body work.  I don’t expect this appointment to end with a magical solution, but I do hope it is the beginning of find some answers.

I expected baby #2 to come along just like baby #1 did, perfectly according to plan.  The best laid plans don’t always work out.

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7 comments on “The Best Laid Plans

  1. I hear you on this. We’ve been trying for over a year now. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, since it wasn’t the first time. (Took 7 months back then.) Catie will be at least 4 1/2 by the time she gets a sibling. But, I keep reminding myself, my sister is 5 1/2 years older than me, and she’s one of my best friends. Also, we won’t be paying for 2 college tuitions at the same time. So, you know, silver linings. I’ll take them where I can get them.

    Good luck to you. Here’s hoping we both get our 2011 babies.

  2. Oh Lisa, I never saw this either! My heart goes out to you. There is nothing worse than wanting something so badly and being reminded every month that you are still waiting. Nick and I went through this for 18 months before we got pregnant. It was months of trying after 18 months of housing selling/buying and new jobs. Then it was procedures and drugs and a miscarriage. I’ve been there and I will pray for you guys! God’s timing is always perfect 🙂

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