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Supporting
When Breastfeeding Doesn’t Work
My friend Heather over at The Spohrs Are Multiplying, wrote what was for me, a very thought provoking piece today. As you all know I am a big advocate of breastfeeding and I think every mom who can should give it a try. I write a lot about the benefits and the challenges. I’ve shared my own successful breastfeeding story. Breastfeeding is a big deal to me.
After reading Heather’s post and learning about her fear to admit that she had given up breastfeeding it made me question my advocacy a little bit. I still wholehearted believe that every mom, if she can, should try to breastfeed. Advocacy is important because it provides education, information and support. However, does advocacy make those who try but decide to give it up feel more guilty than they should?
I know breastfeeding isn’t for everyone. Sometimes the challenges of early breastfeeding are too much for some. Sometimes the baby just never figures out the latch and pumping and feeding just are practical. Sometimes, like in Heather’s situation, a mom has to give up breastfeeding so she can take care of herself and be the best mom to her baby. I don’t want my advocacy to make those women feel guilty. I don’t want them to be afraid to admit that they have chosen not to breastfeed. There is no shame or defeat in saying you gave breastfeeding your best shot and it just didn’t work out, no matter the reason.
My mom suffered, and still does suffer, guilt over not being able to breastfeed my youngest brother. He was born 8 weeks premature and at the time of his birth, 19 years ago, they didn’t have women pump and feed their premature babies in the NICU. Plus, due to major complications after my brother’s birth my mom was on some heavy duty meds. So, as my brother grew stronger and gained the weight necessary to come home, as my mom attempted to recover from a very difficult birth, her milk dried up. She had breastfed 4 previous children and not being able to breastfeed her baby made her feel incredible guilt. She still to this day wonders, worries and feels guilty about not breastfeeding him. She shouldn’t have to feel that guilt.
To all the moms out there who give breastfeeding a try and it just doesn’t work out. To all the moms out there who have to give up breastfeeding. To all the moms out there, like my own mom, who can’t breastfeed for some reason. There is no shame in formula feeding a baby. We are all good moms, breastfeeding moms and formula feeding moms.
i think it’s important to at least try but if you can’t or don’t like it, there’s no shame in quitting. to me, all that matters is that the baby is fed and loved. how it’s fed is unimportant..at least to me
I tried for 3 months. Could not produce enough milk to keep Ava fed. I felt guilty about it for a while, but I look at her now? She’s a perfectly healthy, happy 2 year old. Who did just fine on formula.
I was disappointed in my experience with Claire, especially after I had worked so hard to get it going with Logan! But she’s healthy and happy and that’s all that matters to me.
In a time when many formula-feeding moms do feel guilty/threatened by breastfeeding advocates, I think voices such as your are imperative. The intention of advocacy is NOT to make a mom feel guilty about not being able to breastfeed; it’s to ensure that those who DO want to have resources at hand and the support necessary to get it done.
I am the first woman in my family to breastfeed and it has not been easy. It took 6 days for my milk to come in, so we supplemented right after birth for a couple weeks. Then, I returned to work at 6 weeks and dealt with 2-3 weeks of nipple confusion before finding a solution. Now, my little guy likes to pull off, causing nipple blisters on a pretty regular basis…and we’re only 4.5 months in!
If not for my support group and the assistance of other breastfeeding mothers, I probably wouldn’t be breastfeeding today, and it would have left me guilty to have had to quit. So, for women like me who really wanted to breastfeed, but felt so helpless all on my own, advocacy made all the difference.
Joanna,
Thank you so much for your comment. It through sharing our struggles, our challenges and our triumphs that we help one another to not feel alone, to feel supported and to know there are others out there facing the exact same things we are. Thank you so much for sharing your story
There are many challenges along the breastfeeding road. Trust me the pull off thing will pass too. My daughter went through a phase like that right around 4-5 months old. They get so easily distracted at that age