Making the decision to have your first child is a huge deal.  A lot goes into that decision.  Afterall, you are deciding to completely change the dynamic of your relationship forever, you will no longer be just a couple you will be a family.  Conceiving your first child means you are taking on the responsibility of caring for another human life and putting their needs, wants and desires before your own.  It is a big deal.  My husband and I waited to start our family until we hit our 30s because we wanted to spend time just being a couple, we wanted to be financially stable and we wanted to be in a place where it was possible for me to stay home with our child. But when we finally took the plunge it felt right, we were ready (well as ready as you can be).

Lately we have begun talking about expanding our family, trying for #2.  The talk has been pretty limited so far, just a few little conversations here and there.  No concrete decisions yet.  I’ve discovered something through these conversations though, deciding to try for #2 may actually be a bigger decision for me than the first was.  With Maya I just knew I was ready every part of me was screaming that it was time, this time I feel like I have more to think about and the signs are quite so obvious.

We want to have more kids.  I’ve always pictured myself with 2.  However, I’m having trouble actually saying “ok, let’s do it.” (and my husband is too).  So much will change when we expand our family.  I used to think that once you had the first the giant changes were over and having more wouldn’t be that big a deal.  I was wrong.  There are so many things standing between me and making the decision to go for #2.  Like:

How will my relationship with Maya change and am I ready for it to change?  I love the way things are now and I don’t want my relationship with her to change.

Can we manage two kids in our condo or should we buy a house first?  I don’t think we have the room we would need but I can’t say that I want to put it off just for a house.

How will we manage two kids?  Traveling, shopping, trips to the zoo, naptimes and bedtimes, it all becomes more complicated with two, am I ready for that?

Will they be the right number of years apart?  I don’t want them too close together or too far apart.

So many little things swirling around in my head, so many questions, so many “what ifs”.  Who knew it would be such a hard decision.  I think the biggest thing standing in the way is Maya.  I want her to have a brother or a sister, both my husband and I loved having siblings growing up.  However, I worry about how bringing a new baby into our life will turn her world upside down.  I think (I know) she would love the baby and would be an awesome big sister so I don’t know why I let it bother me so much.

Maybe, we just need to stop thinking about it so much and just go for it.  Who knows.  We’ll talk some more, figure a few things out and decide from there.  Any tips, pointers, suggestions or opinions are welcome (obviously we could use a little help from the pros on this one).