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Learning about your child’s school day is very important. Finding out what happened, what homework they have, what might have gone wrong, what might have gone right are all keys to figuring out how your child is doing at school and what sort of attitude you can expect from them that evening. Asking the right questions at the right time can make all the difference. Engaging your child in a dialogue about their day not only makes them feel important and special it also helps make sure you are on top of your child’s education and playing an active role in their school life.
Taking the right approach can make the difference between a real dialogue and a one word answer. Here are a few tips to help open up the lines of communication and get your child talking about their school day.
- Set the expectation that you and your child will talk about their school day, everyday.
- Give them a some time to unwind before starting the dialogue. This will give them a second to regroup from the school day, unwind and relax a little. It will also give you a chance to go through their school bag, including any notebooks the teachers may use to tell the parents what has gone on that day and what homework your child has.
- Be specific when you begin your dialogue with your child. Ask open-ended questions like “Tell me your favorite thing that happened at school l today” or “Tell me about something new you learned at school today.”
- Children are usually pretty social beings and love to talk about their friends so ask questions about their friends as a way to keep the dialogue rolling.
- Go over your child’s bookbag with them. Discuss what homework they have or what tests/papers or art projects they brought home and the grades they got.
- Talk about your day as well. Include any struggles you had to deal with as a way to help your child learn about communicating about their own struggles and that they are not alone, everyone has a bad day sometimes.
- Listen carefully to your child’s responses to your questions. They may not be completely open about something that is bothering them at school but you will likely find hints to what is bothering them in their answers to your other questions.
A child who feels like you care about what they did that day, enjoy hearing about what they did at school is more likely to keep talking. Building the discussion into your daily routine will help your child get used to talking about their school day and encourage them to open up.
When do you talk to your kids about their school day? What sorts of questions do you ask them to encourage them to keep talking?
Being a stay-at-home parent is an amazing blessing, one that I am very grateful for. Having the opportunity to interact every day with your children, being their primary caretaker, being a part of their learning and their play all day long is wonderful. However, being a stay-at-home parent is not without its challenges and frustrations. Parents who leave a regular 9-5 job to stay home and raise their children quickly find out that they have turned in that 9-5 gig for a 24/7 gig. It can be exhausting, it can be frustrating, it can be monotonous.
The trick to turning your stay-at-home parenting gig into a successful experience that leaves you feeling fulfilled is to take a proactive role in making sure you have plenty to do, you are doing things that both you and your children enjoy and you are staying connected with other adults. Here are a few tips on helping you stay physically and mentally healthy in your role as a stay-at-home parent:
- Take the time to connect with other stay-at-home parents. Join a playgroup where your child will get the chance to interact with other children and you will get the change to meet and interact with other stay-at-home parents. Or you could join an adults-only support group for stay-at-home parents.
- Schedule/structure your day. Set up a regular schedule. Structure your day so you feel like you are accomplishing things and have some sort of plan. Many parents find this particularly helpful when first making the transition from the workforce to staying home.
- Get out of the house. Being a stay-at-home parent doesn’t mean that you actually have to stay home all the time!! Don’t underestimate the importance of a little change in scenery. Go for a walk, go to the park, go to the mall, hit up the local library, anything to get you and the kids out of the house and enjoying a little adventure.
- Make time for yourself. Being in a stay-at-home parent often means you are on the go all the time, there are no breaks, no end to your work day (or work week for that matter). Be sure to take the time do the things you enjoy, keep up with your hobbies, visit with friends, etc.
- Be proud of the important role you play. When you get bored, or frustrated, or irritated remember the importance of the role you play, what a blessing it is to get to stay home with your kids and watch them grow up.
Being a stay-at-home parent is fun, amazing, great, every wonderful adjective you can think of, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have your moments where you question your sanity, feel frustrated, out of touch, alone. Embracing your role, making time for yourself and making sure you are being active and involved will all help you get through those rough days.
I’m so grateful for the opportunity to stay home with my daughter and be able to play a very active role in her upbringing. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. When I’m feeling isolated, frustrated or irritated the best thing I have found to help me get through the day is to get out of the house. I do something special with her like go to a new park, go to the zoo, visit with other stay-at-home mom friends or schedule a lunch date with my working friends.
What do you do as a stay-at-home parent to keep things flowing smoothly and to keep frustration and isolation at bay?
When I was in high school I did a lot of babysitting and I loved it. I remember when I was 12 my mom signed me up for this babysitting course so I could learn all the basics of babysitting and first aid before I actually started taking care of any children, I was so excited. Being able to babysit felt like such a huge milestone to me. I like to think I was a good babysitter (and the families I babysat for always said I was). I was very responsible. I spent good, quality time with the kids playing, I always made sure they ate healthy snacks at snacktime and I was always really good at making sure the kids were in bed at their bedtime. Since I was a good, responsible babysitter why can’t I believe that whoever I hire to babysit my daughter will also be that nice, responsible girl that I was.
I admit that Maya has not been left with a babysitter once (that’s right, not one time) in her entire 21 months of life. Our families don’t live close by so she hasn’t even been babysat by family, which isn’t to say that things would be much different if they did live close by, other than maybe I would have let my mom watch her a few times. I like being the one who always takes care of Maya and I don’t trust that anyone will do it exactly how I would or even how I want it done.
However, we have an event coming up in a little over a month that will require me to have a babysitter for the evening. I am working on finding one right now. I have a neighbor that has offered to watch Maya for us if we ever want to go out for the evening, so I’ll likely finally take her up on her offer so my husband will stop begging me to go to the movies with him! I also have a college student coming by Friday morning for an interview and a meet and greet with Miss Maya. I really like this girl from our email correspondence and I think she’ll be a good match. It’ll be nice to have a couple of people handy to call upon should the husband and I decide a nice date night is in order.
When I started this process of finding a babysitter a couple of weeks ago I had no idea it was so complicated. I wish I had some older friends, with older (teenage) children so I could just use them and not have to worry about it. I don’t like the idea of having to trust my daughter to the care of a complete stranger. I know once I hire someone and begin working with them I’ll feel much better about it, but it sure doesn’t feel good right now.
I’ve done a bunch of research on the questions to ask a potential new babysitter and have my list of questions handy for our interview on Friday. Here is a general list of the questions I’ll be asking, in case you find yourself in need of a babysitter and don’t know what to ask either, feel free to use my questions.
- How long have you been babysitting and do you enjoy babysitting?
- How old have the children been that you’ve babysat and what age are you most comfortable with?
- Do you have references you can provide me, and what do you think your references will have to say about you?
- What sorts of activities do you like to do with the children you babysit, and what would you do with my daughter?
- Do you have any formal first aid training?
- Do you feel confident that you would know what to do in an emergency, explain what you would do?
- Are your comfortable with the fact that my daughter has a nut allergy and what to do if she should have a reaction?
- What hours are you comfortable working?
- What do expect to get paid for your services?
- What makes you a good babysitter for my daughter and why do you think we should hire you?
That is pretty much the basics of what I will discuss with her, of course, the conversation and questions will follow her answers and my general feeling about her. Do you have any suggestions on questions I should ask, things I may have overlooked?
My biggest fear is that Maya won’t like whomever I decide to hire. She is shy and doesn’t always take well to people. I should be able to tell Friday during our interview if this girl is the type of person Maya will warm up to or not. Keep your fingers crossed that things go well and our first adventure in babysitting is a success.
Best Friends
Friendships are an important part of any child’s life, even toddlers have a lot to gain from their little friendships. It is through playing with their friends that children learn how to share with others, how to work out conflict, socialization skills, the importance of patience and empathy. The valuable lessons a toddler learns in their early friendships will help them become better friends as they get older.
I never really considered the importance of friendships in a toddler’s life until I had my own toddler. Maya has her first real, little friend (my good friend, Heather’s little girl) and it is so amazing to see them interact together, teach other things, and enjoy being together. Maya talks about Claire all the time and loves the days when she gets to hang out and play with her for hours on end.
Learning to share (that is Maya's sippy cup that Claire is drinking from!)
Teach her friend how to do the stairs.
Through her first tiny, toddler friendship my daughter is learning the art of being a good friend and so much more. It is so adorable to watch them interact with one another. They have been hanging out and playing together pretty much since Claire was born and Maya was 5 months old, and quite the little friendship has developed. They are like two peas in a pod.
What were your children like with their first little friends? What do you think the most valuable lessons they learned were?
Trying to get pregnant with your second or subsequent child isn’t always as easy as it was the first time around. Many couples find themselves faced with fertility issues when they try to grow their family, they find themselves suffering from secondary infertility. Secondary infertility is defined, primarily, as the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after successfully having one or more children. Millions of couples suffer from secondary infertility. Although so many find themselves suffering through the inability to have another child they often don’t seek treatment or seek out the social support they need. They have a child already so noone wants to hear about their problems with infertility which causes couples to often suffer in silience with secondary infertility.
For many of the couples who find themselves suffering from secondary infertility they were able to easily (or at least without too much trouble) conceive their first child(ren), so the idea that it may be difficult to have another child never crossed their minds. However, your reproductive health can change fairly quickly. A woman’s quantity and quality of eggs can decrease rapidly and result in fertility issues only months after her first child is born. A man’s sperm count and the quality of his sperm can also rapidly change impacting the couples ability to conceive subsequent children.
There are many factors that can cause a couple to experience fertility issues after successfully having one or more children. Age can play a big role, particularly if you waited until your 30s to have your first child. A woman is most fertile between the ages of 18-30 so if she waits until she is 30 or older to have her first child she will be that much older when she tries for the second and may likely experience some difficulty in conceiving. Untreated infections, endometriosis, or chronic illnesses or conditions can all play a role as well, for both men and women.
Luckily most couples, about 85-90%, will conceive within a year of trying. This holds true even if you are trying for your second (or more) child. Most doctors recommend that you seek medical help if you have not conceived after 1 year of trying if you are under 35, 6 months of trying for women over 35, and 3 months of trying for women over 40. Not every woman will be able to get pregnant the first try every time, it sometimes takes several tries. Try to stay positive and seek advice from your doctor if you are worried.
Suffering from secondary infertility is painful and couples shouldn’t suffer alone and in silence. Be sure to talk about how you are feeling with your spouse, your family, friends and seek out a support group of other couples suffering from secondary infertility. Unfortunately, you may not get the support you need from friends and family who may think you should be happy that you have one child so a support group of others going through a similar situation may be your best bet. If you can’t locate a support group talk to your ob/gyn for suggestions or visit RESOLVE (the national infertility association).
Try to stay positive and don’t be afraid to seek medical help if you think you are having fertility issues.
(resourses: RESOLVE, Fertility Factors)