Children don’t generally use the “nice” words like remembering to say hello and good-bye, please and thank you or sorry until they are well into their preschool and school-age years.  However, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t begin the training process for the use of these words much earlier.  Although they won’t necessarily remember to say the words at a younger age doesn’t mean they aren’t observing how you use them.

Parents and other grown-ups in a child’s life will often use prompting as the major teaching method for these words by saying things such as “What is the magic word?” or “What to do you say now?”.  However, child development experts recommend steering clear of this approach and instead using example as your means of teaching your child how to and when to use “nice” words.  Children learn very well by example so by using the words you wish them to learn you have to use them in your own communication with your children.  Be sure to say “please” when you ask your child to do something and to say “thank-you” when they perform the task.

So what can you expect from your child when it comes to “magic words”.

At age 4:

• Your child will remember to say please and thank-you some of the time.
• Your child will generally remember to say hello and good-bye to his or her parents.

At age 8:

• Your child can ask about your day and genuinely care about the response without prompting.
• Say “I’m sorry” and mean it.
• Say please and thank-you most of the time.

Being polite in your own life, both with your child and with others, will help your child learn and understand the importance of nice words and when/how to use them.  Setting a good example can go a long way.

I’ve started teaching my 15 month old daughter to say please and thank-you.  She doesn’t say them yet, although she will sometimes sign “please”.  I know she is absorbing a lot right now from her surroundings so making sure she sees her parents using the words will help her grasp the concept.