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Supporting
Being a parent is hard enough when there is another person to share the work with. Children are demanding, required a lot of time, attention, and love, and they are also costly. Imagine what it is like to carry that burden on your own as a single parent. Many parents do it.
More and more households are being run by a single parent. There are so many reasons for a household to be run by a single parent from one of the parents being absent from the beginning, to divorce, to death, or just simply a woman choosing to have a child on her own (ie adoption or artificial insemination). All of these factors has lead to an increase in the number of single parent households in most western countries. Here in the United States 1.5 million babies were born in 2004 to single parent households, it is estimated that at this time 31% of children are raised by a single parent. In Australia 14% of households are run by a single parent. In the United Kingdom and Canada the number of single parent households is estimated at about 25%. Just to name a few examples.
A majority of single parent households are headed by women, about 86% on average in the United States. Unfortunately, all to often (close to 50% in the US) these households are also supported by incomes that are considered below the poverty line. The struggles for a single parent are often plenty and go much deeper than just being the only parent for their children.
Here are a few tips for those parents who find themselves as a single parent.
- Plan ahead and be smart about the financial burden a child places on you. The average child will cost about $184,000 to raise through age 17. Be sure you are smart up front with the purchases you make for your child, try to plan ahead by saving when and what you can. If you find yourself already in financial hardship consider applying for assistance from programs like WIC (Women, Infants and Children), or other programs that will provide support and assistance to you and your children. Check with your local government or your doctor to see what programs are available in your area.
- Due what you can to ensure your own financial future. Continue to, or if you haven’t started already start to, invest in your retirement. Many employers offer 401k programs (or something similar) that can be a very easy way to put at least a little bit of money away. Also plan properly for your own insurance needs as you age, such as health, long term care, and life insurance. Remember you need to take care of yourself and plan for yourself just as much as for your kids.
- Plan for the unthinkable. You will want to plan for what will happen to your child in the event of your death. Be sure to take the time to write up a will designating who will take legal guardianship of your child and what is to happen with whatever financial assets you have. Not only have a written will in place but discuss it with someone you trust, like the person who you are naming legal guardian of your child. It is terrible to have to think about things like this, but it is also very important, especially if you are the only parent in your child’s life.
- Line up support. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and assistance from friends and family. Plan a babysitter for a night each week so you can have some time to yourself. It is very easy as a parent to negligent yourself, especially if there isn’t another parent there helping out every day.
Are you a single parent? What did you or do you find most challenging? What helped you the most and what words of wisdom do you have for other single parents out there?
It has been a while since I’ve updated you on my pregnancy. Things are going very well and I am thoroughly enjoying the second trimester. I have my energy back and I no longer have any morning sickness. Although I can’t say it is entirely without its aggravations. I find my lower back is aching now, particularly at the end of a long day sitting at my desk at work. Next week I hope to go in for a prenatal massage, so that should help a little.
We had an ultrasound done a few weeks ago. We’re having a girl 
. It was so neat to see her moving all around on the ultrasound screen. She didn’t much care for the intrusion of the ultrasound wand into her space (she doesn’t really like the heart monitor thing that the doctor uses to get her heartbeat at my prenatal visits either). Every time the ultrasound technician tried to get measurements she would move, she hid her face several times when the tech was trying to measure her facial features. It took quite a while for the technician to confirm it was a girl. She suspected it was early on but since the baby had her legs closed tight together or would move whenever she tried to get a good shot down there, and the umbilical cord was right there she didn’t want to say anything until she knew for sure. After much time spent on the table she finally saw what she needed to and confirmed it was a girl. We are both very excited and so are our families.
One of my favorite things about this trimester (besides getting to see her on the ultrasound monitor) is feeling the baby move. She is kicking up a storm in there. I am amazed how active she is already (and has been for quite sometime now). My husband has been able to feel her move too, which he thinks is so cool. Sometimes if you push on my belly she will kick back. Having the ultrasound and feeling her move all around (not to mention my growing belly) has really made things seem so much more real than they did earlier in the pregnancy.
We have started picking out baby gear like bedding, nursery furniture, strollers and what not. I have a lot of fun looking at all that stuff, I don’t think my husband enjoys it quite as much. We are also working on picking out a name for a our little girl. I can’t wait to see what the next few weeks and months bring.
Here in the United States 1 out of every 10 babies is born premature, and that number is on the rise. A premature baby is one born at 37 weeks or earlier. A baby is considered full term when it is born after 37 weeks (even though a full pregnancy is actually 40 weeks long). Babies born before 37 weeks often need special care compared with those babies born after 37 weeks, and often have to stay in the hospital longer.
Babies born at or close to 37 weeks often have limited or no prematurity related problems, whereas babies born closer to 32 weeks (or earlier) often have prematurity related problems and require much more care.
So what causes a premature birth? There can be many causes of a premature birth, and sometimes the cause isn’t known at all, it just happens. A few of the more common causes of preterm birth include; placenta problems, a pregnancy of multiples, an infection in the mother, pregnancy complications, problems with the uterus or cervix, or drug and alcohol use during pregnancy.
If a baby is born premature it is often moved to a neonatal intensive care unit where it can be evaluated and then cared for based on its needs. The baby’s breathing and heart rate will be closely monitored, if it is not breathing well on its own it will likely be hooked up to a machine to help with its breathing. Premature babies often have trouble maintaining their body temperature and are put into special isolette beds that will help with body temperature control until they can do it on their own.
Each preemie is different and will require special care of varying degrees. Some babies will simply need to be monitored closely for a little while. Some babies will need to be hooked up to machines such as ventilators, feeding tubes, and IVs. Others will require surgery. Depending on how early your baby is born, what complications occur and whether or not your child has any birth defects will greatly impact on the type, degree and length of care needed.
Neonatal units are staffed with nurses and doctors that specialize in premature infant care. Be sure to ask questions and be involved in your baby’s care. Understanding what is happening, what is being done for your baby and why will help make it a lot easier to deal with. Hospitals often have psychologists that you can talk to about your feelings as well, which can be a big help too.
There are possible long term effects for preterm babies, such as physical and mental disabilities, blindness, hearing loss, brain damage and more. Talk to your baby’s neonatalogist to get the details of your child’s specific case and what to expect short term and long term.
Here are some helpful websites for more information on premature births.
(source: WebMD)
Walk into any Babies R Us or similar baby gear store and you suddenly realize just how overwhelming and daunting the task of picking the right gear for your baby really is. There are so many choices out there and large ranges in quality and price that it can be hard to tell if you are paying for quality or just the name. It can be so difficult to know where to look for reliable information. How do you know you are making the right choice?
As I walked through the baby store the first time after finding out I was pregnant I was completely overwhelmed. I didn’t even know where to begin. The descriptions on the tags for strollers made me feel like I was shopping for a car, cup holders, shocks, brakes, 4 point harnesses, what does it all mean?
Where can a parent go to get good advice on what gear is worth the extra money and where they can save their pennies? How do you know what to look for in a crib, or a stroller, or a carseat? One of the best sources can be your friends with kids. They have tried this stuff out so they can be great resources. You can also check out one of the many baby gear buying guides that are available online. Another good source can be the people working at the baby store (if they don’t work on commission) they seem to get a lot of good training and have been around this stuff long enough to know what they are talking about.
Here are a few online buying guides that can be very helpful.
- Babies R Us Buying Guide
- Baby Center Buying Guide
- Parents Picks at Baby Center
- Consumer Reports (you need to a membership)
- Mom-Tested Gear Guide at Parenting.com
- Baby Gear Guide at Baby Lifestyle
Good luck in your search for just the right gear for you little one. If you have any suggestions or tips for other parents please share them.
Today on MSNBC.com there were two very interesting and informative articles regarding infertility, fertility treatments, the pressure to get pregnant, and how different people deal with it. The articles were written by two women currently going through fertility treatments. Their perspectives are very different, although at this point the outcomes of their treatments are the same, no baby.
The first article, Not Giving up Hope for a Biological Baby tells the story of a 42 year old single woman who has been trying for four years now to conceive with no success. she hasn’t given up hope yet and plans on trying at least one more treatment in hopes that it will finally work out for her.
“Once you’re on the fertility hamster wheel, in pursuit of the dream shared by most of the human race — to be a parent to your biological child — there’s no one who can tell you it’s time to get off of it.”
The other article, Getting Off the Infertility-treatment Treadmill, was also written by a woman who has been trying for quite sometime to conceive a child, again with no success. She and her husband agreed before they got started that they would only go so far. They have decided to stop trying to conceive a child of their own and are now working on adoption.
“I realized that in all my feelings of loss and loneliness, I’d forgotten the most important thing: I wanted to be a mother more than I wanted to give birth”
Infertility is a very difficult ordeal that unfortunately all to many couples have to suffer through. How you approach it, what you are willing to give, financially and emotionally, and what perspective you have when you are well down the fertility-treatment road will very much depend on you. Each person is different and each story is different. As you can tell from these two articles the outcome can be the same but how it feels to you will be very different. I encourage you to read these articles, particularly if you too are struggling through fertility treatments.