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Supporting
I figured I would stick with the dad theme this week since Father’s Day is just around the corner.
I subscribe to Fit Pregnancy magazine, and this month’s issue had a great little story about the types of fathers-to-be labor nurses encounter in the delivery room. The article is a description of 8 types of dads the labor nurses most commonly encounter, 4 of which they love and 4 of which they can live without.
Here is a description of one of the dads they love and one they don’t. If you have a chance to pick up a copy of the June/July 2007 issue of the magazine be sure to read the other descriptions, they are hilarious.
Bite-the-Bullet Bob: this dad they love. He can’t stand his wife’s pain or the sight of blood, but he’s determined to be there for her, even if he barfs or faints. His willingness to take it for the team is endearing. He avoids watching the delivery from ground zero, won’t cut the cord and winces until the goo is gone, but he’s right there. Even if he can’t stay conscious when the needles come out, he has the good sense to have lined up ancillary support: her sister, mother or a doula.
Couch Potato Carl: this dad they could live without. He sleeps, watches TV and crams the room with high school buddies. His best friend, Party Dad, “celebrates” way too early, and his cousin, Smoker Dad, disappears frequently for “fresh-air”. He’s oblivious to mom’s needs and won’t forfeit the couch to anyone who’s actually providing labor support. If he glances up from his Game Boy, we’re shocked. Why is he there? To fulfill the minimum requirements of fatherhood and brag that he was in the delivery room.
Other dads the nurses loved were Doula Dad and Doughnut Dad (he brings treats). Others dads they didn’t like so much were Dictator Dad, Pedantic Pete and Father Nature. New American Dad made honorable mention for the support they show even coming from countries where it is still unusual for dad to even consider being in the delivery room.
So what kind of dad were you in the delivery room? If you haven’t done it yet, what kind of dad do you think you’ll be?
For many families these days it is necessary to look into the options that are available for both maternity leave and paternity leave. For a growing number of families the mother is the primary “bread winner”, bringing in a larger portion of the family’s income than dad. For other women taking an extended leave from their careers is either not an option because it would hurt their career or just not desirable. These and many other reasons are behind an increase in the percentage of fathers looking into and taking paternity leave.
Here in the United States the percentage of fathers who utilize their available paternity leave is 6.5%. Although this number is still fairly low, it is up 3% over the last 8 years and is continuing to grow. More and more companies are offering more flexible options to dads and as the demand continues to grow so will the options.
So what should a dad considering paternity leave consider? First and foremost is determining financially and personally if paternity leave is the right choice for your family. Once that decision is made it is important to research your options and prepare for your leave.
- One of the first major decisions for the family is to determine how much time mom will take off after the birth and how much time dad will take off. It is also important to consider if you want any of your time to over lap.
- Once you determine how much time you want to take off you will need to check your company policy on paternity leave (called family leave here in the US for either paternity or maternity leave). For example, here in the US you will be bound by the Family Medical Leave Act, which will allow you 12 weeks. Some companies will allow you more time, so do your homework.
- It is important to talk with your human resources department as well to determine what your options are, what paperwork will need to be completed by yourself and your manager, and any other things that need to be completed before, during and after the leave.
- If you know about other men in your company that have utilized paternity leave it is a good idea to talk with them. Not only will you get some great insight into how the company views paternity leave and what you need to do before hand, but you can also talk to them about their time off.
- Once you know for sure that you will utilize the paternity leave option available at your company you should arrange to talk to your manager to discuss when you will be off, how long you will be off and what both of you need to do to comply with human resources requirements.
Deciding to take paternity leave is still a big decision for most men. It has always been a given that mom will take some time off, but with the growing number of options, the changes within the family financial structure, and the trend toward more attentive fathers the norms are changing. I’m sure we will continue to see more and more fathers opting to take paternity leave.
Did you take paternity leave when your children were born? What pointers do you have for other dads considering this option?
I found this interesting discussion on Babycenter today about the dilemma pregnant women face when strangers want to touch their growing bellies. It is something that seems to happen to every pregnant woman at least a few times during her pregnancy. Something just seems to come over people when they see a pregnant woman that causes them to want to touch her belly. All rules about personal space seem to disappear and manners go out the window, replaced by an never ending line of people with outstretched hands just waiting their turn to rub away.
I have always been the type of person who really values her personal space. I don’t like when people stand too close to me when we are engaged in conversation, or feel the need to lay a hand on my arm while we are talking. My space is my space. If I know you really well I will gladly hug you in greeting and when we say goodbye. But with strangers or those I don’t know that well I like to know people are willing acknowledge my personal space and not invade it. This, of course, I knew will become a problem for me when my belly is big enough to bring on the inevitable belly rubs from strangers. I’m still not quite sure how I will deal with this dilemma.
Everyone who participated in the discussion that transpired on Babycenter seemed to be in agreement that it is rude, inconsiderate and made them a bit uncomfortable. What seemed to really vary though was the way they dealt with it. My favorite was the woman who just asked everyone if she could touch their belly first (not a bad idea).
I’d like to know what you think about this inevitable and somewhat annoying part of pregnancy. What did you do when strangers came up to you and wanted to rub your belly?
The past week or so has been a really neat and interesting time in my pregnancy. Last week I felt the baby move for the first time. At first I didn’t know what it was the first few times I felt it, I suspected it was the baby but didn’t know for sure. I talked to my doctor about what I was feeling at my 4 week follow up visit and he confirmed my suspicions. Since then I feel the baby move several times a day. It is such a cool feeling. For those of you who haven’t felt a baby move early in pregnancy and are wondering what it feels like I would equate it to bubbles or popcorn popping.
I am a couple of weeks into my second trimester now. Luckily all of my annoying early pregnancy symptoms including morning (or rather all day) sickness and exhaustion are gone. I still have a few aversions, including mexican food and the smell of garlic, but I hear aversions typically stick around for the whole pregnancy. I have my energy back, or at least most of it, which is very nice.
Over the past couple of weeks I have began to show a little bit. This weekend I broke down and bought some maternity pants. I just couldn’t stand squishing myself into my regular clothes anymore. Monday at work I felt so much better wearing a pair of pants that had room for my growing belly. I had originally thought about getting a few things that were a size or two bigger than my normal clothes, but then a friend of mine suggested that I try maternity clothes that are designed to grow with you from early pregnancy and on. Boy am I glad I took her advice.
Later this month I will have my next ultrasound and should be able to find if our baby is a boy or a girl, I can’t wait.
I received the book, Body, Soul and Baby, by Dr. Tracy W. Gaudet to read and review a few months ago. The premise of the book is to highlight the integrated medicine approach to preconception, pregnancy and postpartum. The author, Dr. Gaudet is the director of integrative medicine at Duke University and a practicing obstetrician.
Integrative medicine is an approach to medicine that combines the traditional medical approach with more holistic medicine including massage, chiropractic, talk therapy and nutrition. It is a form of medicine that is on the rise as people look for something different to heal what ails them.
This book was very well written. The author does a great job of introducing the reader to integrative medicine and what impact it has on preconception, pregnancy and postpartum. As a doctor who actually practices obstetrics she uses her knowledge of the field and personal experiences to share the various aspects of integrative medicine. One thing I particularly enjoyed about the book was the way the author included actual patient stories throughout the book. Within each chapter and subchapter she includes a patient story to show how integrative medicine has worked in her practice and what impact it has had on her patients. I found this to be very effective in giving the reader a better understanding of this unique approach.
The key to the body, soul and baby approach outlined in this book is what the author calls the centers of wellness which encompass your mind, nutrition, movement, spirit, and sensation centers. The author explains these centers of wellness and how to ensure you are recognizing them at each stage of your pregnancy.
Unlike most pregnancy books there are not a lot of dry medical terms and abstract descriptions. This book is about a very holistic approach to pregnancy, if you are not into that kind of thing this may not be the book for you. However, if you are interested in a different approach to your pregnancy than is typical, or if you are interested in what options are out there and how to best approach your pregnancy differently than I would highly recommend this book.
Final word, definitely a good book and a good addition to your collection of pregnancy books.