Shyness is something many people experience. I am one of them. Some would say it is an affliction, I don’t necessarily see it that way. It can, however, keep you from experience some things in life, and can impact your ability to meet friends and enjoy group activities. Addressing your child’s shyness early can prevent them from carrying that shyness into their adult life. Remember that being shy is ok, and very normal.

So what can you do if your child is shy, how can you bring them out of their shell? Remember that each child is different, and how you approach your child’s shyness will depend a lot on how old they are, how their shyness is affecting them, and what types of approaches typically work for your child.

Take it one step at a time: congratulate your child when he or she tries new things this will encourage him and help him build confidence.

Build his friendships slowly: if you are scheduling play dates to help your child meet new kids and make new friends take it slow. Maybe start out with just one child over at first, if that works out then you can add another child to the play date. Being overwhelmed is probably part of what makes your child shy around other people, so taking it slow will be easier on them.

Talk to your child’s teacher: teachers sometimes overlook the quiet kids. Take the time at the beginning of the school year to talk to your child’s teacher. Explain your child’s shyness and quiet manner. The teacher may have some good suggestions for bringing your child out of their shell, and if the teacher is aware of your child’s shyness ahead of time he or she can help encourage your child’s participation in the class throughout the year.

Encourage your child to participate in new activities: shy children are often uncomfortable in new group activities and often shy away from joining groups. Encourage your child to try new things. Sign them up for one group activity, like boy/girl scouts or a swimming class for example. They will be introduced to something new and will meet new kids to make friends with.

Identify talents: identify talents that your child has that help make them feel special. Perhaps there is a group they can join where they can use and grow their talent while interacting with kids that have similar interests.

Respect your child’s fears: if your child is starting a new group activity he is likely scared, acknowledge this fear and talk to him about it. He will feel encouraged in knowing someone understands how he feels.

Avoid embarrassing your child: shy children are often sensitive to teasing, avoid comparing your child to outgoing siblings or friend’s kids. It is important not to make them feel bad about their shyness.

Prepare your child for new experiences: This goes along with acknowledging your child’s fear. Once you have talked to your child about their fear of the new activity you can help them develop a plan on how they are going to face that fear. They are likely to be less shy and uncomfortable if they know what to expect and have some sort of game plan.

Teach by example: if you are shy yourself it will be helpful to teach by example. As a shy adult you may find it difficult to interact with other parents, make an effort to join parent groups and participate in new activities. Show your child that it isn’t so bad to put yourself out there.

Teach your child to deal with rejection: this can be very difficult because most adults don’t deal with rejection very well either. Talk to your child about rejection, what it can feel like, and how they can learn from it. Explain to them that not everyone is going to like them and that’s ok, but they need to meet new people in order to find great friends.

A lot of kids out grow their shyness around age 6, but will likely become a little shy and self-conscious again when they become adolescents. The key to dealing with shy children is acknowledgement of the feelings and fears, and encouraging them to explore new activities. Talk with your child’s teachers and pediatrician for advice on how to deal with your child’s shyness. Other parents can be great resources as well, especially those who have shy children. You may also consider having your child talk to a child psychologist if your child’s shyness is having a significant impact on their life and development. Your pediatrician should be able to advise you on whether this is necessary for your child and refer you to a good psychologist.

Some Helpful Websites

• Shykids
• Connect with Kids
• Kids Healthworks